Located on the downtown campus of West Virginia University, sits one of the oldest buildings at 134 years old, Woodburn Hall. WVU was founded in 1867 and was originally controlled by the republican party. In 1875, the same year Woodburn Hall was built, a new president was elected and the faculty began to consist of democrats. This began to change the campus. The College of Civil Mining and Engineering began at this university to support industrialization that was happening all over the country. They added on to Woodburn Hall in the early 1900’s. The north wing was made for ROTC classes, which was founded at the university in 1916 to aid with war. ROTC has been apart of the campus ever since.
The campus has changed tremendously. It has went from being a student body of about 120 to it’s current population of about 30,000 students. Many buildings have been added over the years along with many different programs for students, but Woodburn Hall has always been a memorable building. Every year for homecoming and Christmas, Woodburn Hall is decorated with white lights and the students gather around to sing the school song and gaze at such an important and historical sight for WVU students and faculty. Everyday, as student walk back and fourth to classes, students can sit or lay in the grass circle right outside of Woodburn Hall. It is a beautiful historical landmark.
This paper has really good history, but you have to change around the structure and content to better address the prompt.
ReplyDeleteThe first thing that I saw reading this was a lack of subject/verb agreement. If you remove the comment right after your link it'll join the clauses together and make it a good, complete sentence! (Sorry, I'm a huge grammar nazi...)
The second thing I noticed was how your thesis is three sentences long and is a historical statement of fact. Make sure your thesis focuses on an argument, and make sure your argument demonstrates the cultural importance of Woodburn Hall. You could slap the last sentence of the essay, "It [Woodburn Hall] is a beautiful historical landmark," at the end of your first paragraph, underline it, and there you go. It's short, sweet, and declares your argument.
So if you do change your thesis, make sure you change your supporting details too. Keep in mind the professor will probably be looking for an analysis of the place, too; not just history. (I wouldn't waste more than two or three sentences on historical content. It's usually not very exciting anyway.) Or, if you do want to keep the history, you could even explain its context and prove how a change was a byproduct of that specific community's culture.
Make sure you present your argument effectively to lend yourself credibility to the reader. Good structure goes a long way.
Also - state the function of the building. I still have no idea what it is. I assume it's some government building since you were talking about political parties?
I'm curious as to why you decided to write about this particular building. You didn't seem to personalize it in your writing and explain as to what this landmark really meant to you. Adding the history to the landmark is important but I would tie in more of your personal experiences or memories to it. It's kind of hard to give anymore pointers following Chip lol.
ReplyDeleteWhy is this building important to you, you've stated why it's important to the students and faculty at WVU but not yourself specifically.
ReplyDeleteYou did a good job describing this place; it was easy to see its historical importance to the university. But deffinitely add something in there about how it has effected you or helped you or something. Did you go there at any point in time?...take any classes there? Stuff like that and then your set.
ReplyDeleteI did something very similar to what you did, i talked about the importance of the actual place for EVERYONE, but in my opinion the actual goal of this assignment is to explain why this place is important to YOU. And once you switch all your details into the reasons why it is important to you, your entire essay is going to be MUCH better. You have some amazing details and pictures in here that really keeps the reader attentive but put in some personal reasons for why this place is important to YOU. Great job otherwise!
ReplyDeletei agree with everyone, the historical part is great, but adding some personal significance would make it even better.
ReplyDeleteHave you been to the homecoming or Christmas events? Maybe focus your essay on a single, personal experience you had there rather than a bunch of things that are done there. Write about how you felt going to the event (excited, etc.) and what you did there and what the atmosphere was like (joyful, memorable..) and why any non-preservation of the site would end any future memories to be made.
ReplyDelete